By COSTA B. PAPPAS
In the age of online dating, with relationships beginning on screens, it’s clear that someone can appear slick and clever over the phone, but then prove to be completely awkward in person.
On a first date you can’t hide awkward pauses with the repetitive “LOL” or laughing emoji, so many don’t know what to say.
Talking about past relationships is a resounding “NO” but how do you establish a connection through basic conversation? So many first dates are filled with basic questions such as “What do you do for fun” or “How many siblings do you have,” etc. … said Pima Cojmmunity College student Blake Samsill.
To eliminate the awkward first date encounter, I always go into my first date with a game plan in my mind of questions I want to ask.
Here’s some of them:
1. If you could go anywhere in the world for a week, all expenses paid, where would you go?
Not only does it give you a glimpse of your date’s dream vacation, but it tells you what type of environment they enjoy most and their dreams.
If your date responds with “Topeka, Kansas,” you may have a problem. Nothing against Kansas, but out of all the places you could vacation to, why would you choose Kansas … especially Topeka? That could be a deal-breaker.
On the flip side, if your date’s eyes light up as they talk about why they want to go to Topeka, you may realize that Topeka holds a secret gem that you may have never known about. Their passion toward the location tells you more about them than the destination and allows you to understand them better.
2. What is the craziest thing that has ever happened to you?
This is the perfect ice-breaker, a way to give your date the chance to share a story. In the process, it give you a heads-up if they are worthy of a second date or not. Obviously, you can’t expect your date to have similar experiences to Tana Mongeau or Olivia Cara, but you do want them to have some interesting experiences to share.
Most dates will likely be relieved by this question. This question will give them the chance to talk about themselves in an exciting way. For someone who loves hearing stories, like me, hearing your date say that their life is pretty boring proves to be a dealbreaker. It can lead you to excuse yourself to the bathroom to text your friend frantically to get you out of the encounter.
On the contrary, if you would rather have a night in than a night out on the town, then hear your date spill about the time they got wasted in a Manhattan nightclub and proceeded to throw up into the a.m. might be a turnoff. Either way, this question gives you a view on how adventurous (or not) your date is.
3. If you won the lottery right now, what are the first three things you would do?
The question appears very basic, but it gives you a good glimpse into their priorities. If they would donate a part of their winnings, then you can tell that they are a giving person. If they would give some of the money to their family, then you can tell that they are a family-oriented type of person. If they would go on a trip, then you can tell that traveling is a big deal to them.
This question allows you to see what the most important things to your date are, all while keeping the conversation light-hearted.
Sometimes people get too personal on the first date. The best advice is to save the real questions for another time. One of the biggest mistakes a person can make on a first date is getting too intrusive too quickly. The first date is supposed to be easy, calm, not a time to give someone the third degree. No one wants to have the ex conversation or the “What are we” talk before they even know your last name.
“When you are dating you are trying to get to know someone, you’re trying each other on to for size to to see if your lives match,” said Tucson relationship coach Tiffany Bastedo.
Keep the questions light, but also open-ended to keep the conversation flowing naturally.
First dates can often be awkward, but armed with the right questions you should leave the date having a firm understanding on the type of person your date was, and knowing whether you want a second date.