By: KYLE KERSEY
What do you do when the artsy black-and-white horror film you wanted to go see doesn’t come out in Tucson until a week later than you thought and you have a movie review due in a few days? Well I don’t know what you’d do, but I went and saw “Zombieland: Double Tap” because it seemed like the best of a bad bunch of movies in theaters this weekend.
Truth be told, I’m quite fond of the original Zombieland. It’s a well-paced road trip comedy with zombies as the central plot device and reference point for many of its jokes. It’s tight, well written and features a charming cast of characters, as well as plenty of gory zombie dismemberment that my adolescent brain craved back in 2009; a mix of over-the-top violence and late 2000s American comedies a la “Pineapple Express” or “Tropic Thunder.”
The sequel finds our protagonists in relative stasis; Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg), Wichita (Emma Stone), Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin) are still surviving out in the post-apocalyptic United States as an unlikely family (only Wichita and Little Rock are actually related). Over the past ten years, the group has become highly-skilled in team zombie killing and have even developed a system of classifying their undead antagonists. However while taking up residence in the White House, conflicts soon reveal themselves when Tallahassee scoffs at Little Rock’s dream of meeting a boy and starting a family of her own while the lovably aloof Columbus proposes marriage to an unsuspecting Wichita, aggravating her fear of commitment and loss. So together, the girls steal Tallahassee’s SUV (nicknamed “the beast”) and hit the road to seek new adventures, whereupon Little Rock runs away to Graceland with a pretentious pacifist named Berkley. Wichita returns with the hopes of gathering supplies to go find her sister and bring her back to safety amidst rumors of evolved super zombies (that Columbus’ nicknames “T-800’s”) roaming the country. Together in an old Dodge Minivan, the group sets out to reunite their family.
The question of whether I’d recommend you see “Zombieland: Double Tap” depends on your opinion of the first movie. If you loved it and are open to seeing a significantly less funny version of it but with the same characters, then this might be the movie for you. If you didn’t, then best to stay away and do something more useful with your time like doing your weekly chores or huffing glue because there’s not much here to recruit new fans. The most damning thing is that the movie just isn’t very funny.
The first twenty minutes at the White House are painful. Columbus narrates everything which would be fine if he had anything interesting to say (outside of catching us up on the different types of zombies, he doesn’t). The gang participate is what are supposed to be wacky hijinks (i.e. Tallahassee dressing up as Santa for some reason) but it’s really just a tedious time-sink because without any zombies to kill, there’s just nothing for our characters to do. Perhaps the most painful part is the introduction of Madison, a dumb blonde millennial stereotype masquerading as a person who Columbus hooks up with while Wichita is gone and who joins them on their adventure. The joke here is nothing more than “ha ha ha let’s laugh at the dumb blonde girl hardy har har.”
Come to think of it, just about every new character we’re introduced to is nothing more than a stereotype. Berkley is a stoner who preaches free love and plays songs like “Like a Rolling Stone” and “Freebird” on his acoustic guitar. The pair eventually end up at a post-apocalyptic commune called Babylon, where guns are banned and melted to make peace-symbol necklaces (I swear to god I’m not making this up). At one point, Tallahassee and Columbus meet their personality doppelgangers (aptly named Albuquerque and Flagstaff) in an idea that, at best, borrows from a similar gag in “Shaun of the Dead” and, at worst, blatantly steals from it. The only real character we meet is Nevada (Rosario Dawson), a rough and tumble Elvis enthusiast who acts as a love interest for Tallahassee. This is the “Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues” school of sequel making; the original but bigger and dumber.
I can’t help but feel like something is lost with the introduction of all these new characters. One of the great attributes of the original was how it built up this sense of isolation; civilization has decayed and it was a running theme that these four may be the last people alive. This lent a weight to their interactions and justified Columbus’ list of survival tips; only the tough and the smart survive. But here, it’s a world that’s seemingly populated with tons of people, and it’s hard not to wonder how many more are really out there if even the commune of brainless beatniks have survived this long.
It’s also missing the heart of the original. There’s no Tallahassee’s Twinkie subplot to keep you emotionally invested in these characters. We don’t learn anything new about them that’s not disclosed at the beginning. The ending of “Zombieland 2: I Wanna Commit Seppuku” is bigger and more special-effects heavy than the original, but by the same token it’s much less satisfying.
There are positives, though. As with the original, Woody Harrelson’s performance stole the show and it’s fun to see him return as the reckless Tallahassee. His hatred of the Dodge minivan they’re forced to use is probably the best recurring joke in the movie (alongside the fact that it proves to be the only reliable vehicle in the movie). The cast exhibits chemistry worthy of a good sitcom and play off each other well, even if there’s not much material for them to work with in the thin script. There’s also a really well choreographed and shot action scene where Tallahassee and Columbus have to fight off two T-800’s that looks like it was done in one take. It’s reminiscent of the famous “Free Bird” scene in “Kingsman,” only with the fighting meant to look more sloppy than precise. In fact, while some of the special effects look cheap, the Reuben Fleischer’s direction of the action scenes is surprisingly solid.
Is that enough to save “Zombieland: Double Tap?” No. It’s not. With that, I’m off to huff some glue.
